The prospect of a tattoo and where to place it on the body?

Not quite in the setting you had imagined perhaps, but perchance you are chatting away to a firm & stout Sicilian,and you suddenly learn of his love of tattoos. And you get to thinking;- where would I put mine and if I did what would I have ? A lovely quandary...It has to be a small cherub on the lower back, with widened delicate wings ,hidden away from general view, 16th C style...

More on this tomorrow after TMH will present his personal view of what to tattoo. Look and learn.

The forgetful self

I am not sure what its going to take. Each time I arrive at a foodstore in the car I leave all of the (supposedly) cloth eco friendly bags in the car boot. The brain disengages and sense doesn't kick in. I wonder if its because I am struggling to mentally list" pickles and shoe polish and milk and cat box grit"? Driving there I am in a fug, playing the game where as a child someone would put things on a tray and take something away, leaving you to guess whats missing. Its painful. As I wander the aisles I get upset by realising the things taken from the tray were batteries for the camera and garden sacks for sweeping up the petals-I couldn't play the game well then and I cant now.Perhaps I need a dictaphone to bark into, kept on a glasses chain around my neck. I think not but you are getting my drift.

Why Sindy Chucked Paul in 1968

Its not tricky. When Pedigree dolls of Canterbury felt the need to introduce a boyfriend for Sindy-the worlds most popular doll, who did they research and base Paul on? He was discontinued after 10 mins and the pictures tell you why. I mean... If you saw that on a dark night in an alley way , you would have your woman's weekly rolled in to a batton in minutes, and filing for a divorce on line. Its the pants;never let a man wear 60s swimming trunks-Its not a good look even on an Adonis. ( PS for the really observant, did you notice that the skiing Paul has got skates on in error-what a nutter he is)

Fair.ly. Hilarious

A day at the fair ground… what images are conjured in your minds eye? … Masses of people- some sitting, some queuing/ huge quantities of candy floss/ bright lights/ rides of all shape, size, colour and ferocity/ ear deafening screams from wide mouths of those on the big-dipper/ faint whiffs of cooking hot dogs and fried onions/ Winnie the Poohs and other Disney creatures awaiting their fate in grabber machines,… This is certainly the scene I imagined on Saturday morning when it was announced that we were to spend the day at the fair ground… so did my imagination prove correct… well yes, however it did omit certain details which only experience of such an event could crystallize. What I wasn’t prepared for was the sheer chaviness of it all, the smell of body odour permeating the air, obese vile people all exhibiting their wares in a very literal sense, odd men with cameras not looking dissimilar to those pictured on the front of red-top newspapers with ‘Rapist eats victim’ and the like written above their heads, every form of casual wear incl those vile 3 striped viscose joggers which were intended to spend their days on, well, joggers. Every form of dodgy handbag which would ignite in even the gentlest sunlight. Men in flip flops (with and without socks), huddies and worse…and the women? Well not too different from the men, just imagine the aforementioned with tits, and more facial hair. Each one looking quite capable of eating their own children. Families of at least 10 members all completely lacking in one way or another be it physical deficiencies or mental or both. I think you are getting the picture…Despite all of this… I had the best time. A different form of enjoyment was experienced than that of sitting in Claridge’s, It was the joy experienced when you gain more perspective. The kind of perspective which makes you feel normal. I now appreciate what I have and what others don’t have. In all of this humorous and sarcastic talk is a very serious truth. The fair ground was a microcosm of life for the masses of today. It represented what Britain is, a place of the chavs, the obese, the vulgar, the dirty, the rude and the ignorant. Things do not bode well… especially given that these people have the ability to pro-create abundantly. There’s little we can do but to live and let live and so my resolution is to do exactly that. But thank god my world is a million miles away from theirs. MH .

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hCX8s4lo8-8

Ice Cream vans

I have a new Business plan which involves Ice Cream vans but I am not going to share in on line with anyone here so suffice to say its fabulous...watch this space....

Easter greetings with serenity

This is my favourite church which is a secret pleasure. Lead church in Yorkshire stands isolated in a field with a heap of sheep enjoying the grass outside and the exclusive isolation. Its a place for the TMH to go and reflect on the hard work ahead in being a superstar global model in the days ahead perhaps ...! x

Is it me (2) ?

Gone are the days of the Bunty comic with the cut-out doll on the back cover and a free bracelet. Gone are the days of The Grazia summer special all -you- need -to -know -fashion guide. In comes a whole new genre of publishing from Taschen aimed at, possibly women, but I am guessing possibly not. I shall leave it up to you. There is even an eye watering pop -up version and an edition with 3D glasses in a pouch. Its clearly the season of Porn that is upon us. I am told its sponsored by Fyffes which I think is really quite rude. Whats girl to do? Buy the book I say.

Is it me?

I got to wondering whether my world was any madder than anyone Else's. This thought followed a 2 hour Journey from Leeds on a packed train with a hyperactive talkative guy who seemed hellbent on announcing his good fortune to me. (He didn't seem to read papers which might suggest that" do you want to drink to my success" a la taxi driver may now not be the best opening gambit.... ). He had had his first pay check-Good. He had just started a new job-excellent. He had just starred in a porn clip movie-OK right, interesting-not. Would I like to see him in it-and worse, opened up his laptop, and brought up the site YouPorn. Call me old fashioned, I thought I knew every google top 50 in the world, and Youtube was in it, but no, its YouPorn. He told me he was in the first clip and could I spot him.... Ever found yourself on the packed 4.08pm train to Manchester, with a laptop on full speaker whilst you view hardcore porn?. Me neither. I gave up after 2 mins and told him I couldn't find him amongst the writhing bodies with minimal clothing and maximum front and rear in all senses..he spun the laptop around and laughed saying, "nooooooo you in the wrong section..you need to click on "Gay" first. It did flash through my mind that this would be very useful in life with men ...click Straight ..click Gay...depending on how you felt, but I didnt share. I declined a re-run to see the said actor in flagrante, as I was still digesting a cheese and pickle sandwich and really, I said, I was pleased for him. I did however take a sneaky peak when I got home, and yes he was there. Here There and Everywhere. Its amazing what can be achieved with a sock puppet and a waiters outfit.I thought there's no need for that in a built up area...in the old days it would have been 2 chaps having a fag by the river, and if this clips anything to go by , nothings changed. Even more startling;this website is ranked as the no 17 worldwide traffic driver so where have I been all these months?. Not on YouPorn clearly. So if you want to perk up your day and your earnings you heard it here first.Perk as in Pinky or is it Pinky and Perky now....the picture above shows me wondering if my Breasts will make the grade and deciding not...

Apologies to all Easter Bunny fans out there

Didn't realise until now how much of an important figure The EB is to so many. So many rabbits have contacted me to say that I have not been kind to them out there in Bunnyworld, and that they normally spend their days taking tea with their bunny pals and don't ever do what I suggested...so here we are with an apology and photo proof that they do just that. Right then.

The Easter Bunny frightens me slightly

Is it me or do some images of The Easter Bunny look slightly odd. Picture this. A rabbit in full attire ceases you in an open space , insists you get in to a half egg and snogs your whiskers off.If you start having those type of dreams , you know you are really in trouble. Nothing wrong with Cadburys, with not a tail in sight...

Knitting possibilities in the modern world

I was given a crochet hook when I was 7 and a free rein on the contents of a wool chest at my grandmas-nothing particularly unusual, you may think,about that. I was expected to use a bobbin and create a dolls scarf tubular style... However as a determined child I decided it was to be a big project for myself and with daily application I created a poncho for myself in fabulous fuchsia and lime nylon wool with fringes. I thought it was so cool I took it to Spain and wore it all summer in 90deg heat. I only discovered this when my mother handed some old cine films to me lately in which the offending article is seen all over Madrid and Barcelona.

So with this in mind, I got to thinking should I try again. it took me about 5 seconds to think not.

Perhaps I shall suggest to TMH that wearing a dodgy sweater with a cable collar and matching hat, that he has created for himself may be good. (Not that TMH means Time on Your Hands or anything.)